No more yo-yo effect

I am not perfect...bet you didn't know that right? Right now, I am struggling -- I am not making the progress that I want to make, the scale isn't budging -- its an eternal frustration. In times past - this is where I would throw my hands in the air and give up. This is where I would binge eat for 3 or 4 days -- or weeks. This would be the turning point to me gaining back some of the weight that I have been hard pressed to lose.

I can't go there again - I won't do that again. I don't want to continue down that path that has led to the yo-yo effect...you know the one..where you gain and lose the same 5-10 pounds over and over again and have a love/hate relationship with yourself.

And please don't misunderstand -- this is directed solely at me. I need to continue on. I need to find my sweet spot and make those changes in my life - and I will. No more backsliding. No more bouncing back and forth. I can hear Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper saying "Get your head in the game" -- it's hard, the struggle is real.

I can also hear the age old question going through my head -- "where would you be today if you had never quit the last time you went down this road?"

"Persistence guarantees that results are inevitable" - Paramahansa Yogananda

The definition of persistence is - Firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. (or no results that you are looking for) Remember, a river cuts through rock, not because of its power but because of its persistence. 

So, no more yo-yo effect or backsliding - goodbye to that nonsense - goodbye to repeating over and over again all the hard work that I have already put in...why did I ever think THAT was a good idea anyway? -- Saying hello instead to persistence and perseverance. March on my friends!

So Long Fear

I am afraid. I am afraid of a lot of things actually. I am afraid of pain, bridges, heights. I am afraid of death - not only my own, but of my loved ones. I am afraid that because I have gone back and forth on weight loss so much, that I am unable to do it...how's that one for a big one?

So, how do we get through these fears? Good question - and one that I don't really have an answer to. I can't make fear go away, that is a truth. However, I will not give up. I will continue to try, to move forward, and to change the bad habits and bring in better healthier habits. My scale may not move, but I AM making better, healthier choices - so that in itself is a victory.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" - Philip K Dick

I am working toward stopping that negative track in my head. The one that says I have failed before and can't do this. The one that says I will never hit my goal weight. I refuse to believe that is reality.

So, how? How do we change the reality that we see and think and hear and feel? Those are all real things right? I am still here at the weight that I am, and believing that I am a thin girl isn't going to change that reality. Or will it? If I tell myself I can't...I can't. If I tell myself, that I am getting thinner, healthier and that my hard work is in NOT in vain...guess what? Its not.

Our minds are a very powerful thing and while I don't even know the half of it I am sure. There are some very good books and resources out there to talk to people how to face their fears, their demons, erase those self doubts. I am not going to name them - because honestly? I don't believe we are a one size fits all kinda people. What works for me, won't necessarily work for you - our minds are vastly different, and our brains will process things differently.

What I will say is this, I am saying so long to fear - so long to those scary health thoughts that flit through my brain that cause me to not want to get up and fight but to go crawl into my bed and hide. Goodbye to the self doubt and self flagellation that hold me back. What fears do you want to get out from under and kick to the curb?  

Goodbye Green Grass

I have often heard it said that the grass is greener on the other side. That is soooo not true!! The reality is that, the grass is greener where you fertilize it. I am not going to get preachy here on a Sunday but the Bible says For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. It's the same thing.

So, for me what does that all mean? It means that if I think that life is going to be wonderful hunky-dory and sunshine and roses if only I could just...get down to my goal weight, move to this house, do this one thing...its probably not true. I have to be happy where I am right now, because this is what I have made. I can't think that if I could only just get to these places or these goals that everything will be amazing, because I am still me. Make sense?

What now? Glad you asked... my goals haven't changed - I am still wanting to get to that goal weight, I am still wanting to be debt free in 2016 -- I have big plans for my life!! That's all ok -- but I have to also be happy in where I am now. I can't compare my life or my journey for that matter to my sisters, or my neighbor, or my co-worker. First of all, its not a race - and second of all, they have had different roads to walk then mine. 

Oh, I know -- I can hear the voice in my head ---

"Sharyl, its just not right that you work out, you eat right and the scale doesn't budge, but Joe Schmo goes to the gym less than you, eats crap half the time, and omg -- can you see it?? He's lost like 20 pounds in 3 weeks!! What are you doing wrong?" 

Guess what -- maybe I am doing something wrong, but I will figure it out...or maybe nothing at all. My body is my body -- and it's going to do what it's going to do. BUT!!! I can be happy right here - I can eat right, fuel my body with the right foods, do the exercises to make my body healthier and stronger. The number on the scale is not a direct correlation to what is going on. 

So, I ask you this -- if you KNOW that you have given it your best this week, and please note here that I did not ask if you were perfect, just that you gave your best. Do you feel better? Do your clothes fit a little different? Is your mind clearer? Then good job!!

Say goodbye to the green grass on the other side is what I am telling you. If you want green grass on YOUR side -- fertilize it, think about it, do your best -- and if your like me? Well maybe you don't want grass at all, darn stuff just makes me sneeze anyway!