Sayonara sleepless nights

I am exhausted! It's the happy kind of tired though - I had my girls here my daughters and my grand daughters and a good friend - didn't get a lot of sleep but enjoyed them sooo much - then the day after they left my son and his wife have arrived...I think I may need to sleep into the New Year.

So, even though its been fun...I am not as young as I once was and this is reaaaaaaaally taking its toll on me. (Not that I would change even one of these visits to include more sleep because I don't get to see any of them as much as I want)

I know that sleep deprivation can cause a great many things to happen (and let me state its not that one time staying up late -- or even the 2 weeks of no sleep I will have had from having company over...well mostly lol)

Did you know that lack of sleep can cause a weakened immune system, blood pressure to rise, depression and anxiety, moodiness, type 2 diabetes, and weight gain? Yowch!

For the weight gain its all about hormone responses - lack of sleep causes stress in the body (because hey it's not functioning at its best with no sleep) - which increases cortisol - cortisol causes your body to store fat instead of burn it, it lowers leptin which tells your body when you have had enough to eat - which can lead to over - eating annnd can raise levels of ghrelin which is an appetite stimulant also causing your body to want more food more food more food!

Remember last week we were talking about tracking -- I keep track of my sleep (so gee, this week I know how pathetic that has been) and have been looking at my bodies reactions to food this last week...definitely something there with this science stuff! (Sooo not a science girl -- my husband however, would totally be able to geek out over this information)

So, I will go into sleep and sleep habits next week, but this week was just about the information that it can cause issues (or a whole subscription) with your body if this is a continual chronic thing -- with the over eating -- hate to say that can happen after just one night -- that is why listening and paying attention (journal will show trends) to what your body is telling you...its a pretty smart thing and can give you more information for whats going on in YOUR body.

So -- try to get those ZzzzZZZZs in -- its as important as going to the gym and eating right -- it all plays a part -- and say sayonara to sleepless nights

Goodbye Holly Daze

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Joy Noel! Happy Hanukkah! -- Whatever your flavor is may you enjoy the best of the Christmas season!

I love the holidays. The kick off with Thanksgiving, the picking out of presents to give to family and friends. the food, the smells, the tree, the lights -- the magic!!! I especially love my time with my family.

Did I mention the food? It starts with Thanksgiving - the huge feast! Then comes the Christmas baking -- and all the joys that brings! Ooooh and then candy in the stocking, and the Christmas dinner. Last but not least -- not to be outdone -- New years eve - the finger foods, the fancy snacks and of course the booze! It is no wonder that people tend to gain over the holidays.

So, options here

1) Do what you have always done -- but expect those same results. Do not be blind to the fact that you cannot continue to make the same choices and expect different outcomes  (Lord knows this was my option of choice for many a year...we just didnt "count" the holidays!)

 

2) You can be self sacrificing -- stay away from all of those things. Now, if this option doesn't bother you or if you know that for you having any of the goodies at all is a slippery slope that leads to a 10 pound weight gain over the holidays...by all means pick this one.(I have done this one as well!)

3) You can enjoy the holidays with your friends and family without over feeding. Listen to your body -- really listen. If you are hungry eat to satisfaction, but don't gorge. If you know that you want a Christmas cookie or fudge or pumpkin pie -- plan for that but don't have the pumpkin pie after dinner and donuts and cocoa for breakfast and 2nd helpings at all meals...Do you see where I am going here? Enjoy without overindulging.  (this is the one I am picking this year!)

I only have one life and I know for me that I can not keep going down with that time off mentality. I also know that not only did not having any treats make me miserable but those around me as well because I was whiny and had the poor whoa is me mentality. This year, I will have a glass of wine with a friend, a cookie after dinner, the turkey with all the trimmings -- what I wont do is - make it an all day train wreck waiting for a place to happen. I wont eat the whole tray of cookies in one setting (not even in 2) I will indulge but I will not OVER indulge. I will feel good about the choices I make and enjoy my time with my family and friends while continuing our age old traditions.

I will be saying goodbye to the Holly Daze -- you know the one where you continue to blindly eat because omg dinner was so good you ate until you had to undo your pants button and then followed it by pie -- not just one slice but 3 because there were options...and options are a wonderful thing right? And then that is proceeded by the brain fog of having just way to much food in your stomach and your brain turns to a cloudy foggy place that just wants a nap somewhere --soooo not me this year...goodbye to that mindless eating and the daze that comes with. 

However you choose to celebrate and with whatever option you choose....Have a joyous holiday season from start to finish and a wonderful time with your family and friends!

Let It Go

My beautiful granddaughter Marlee just turned 2 and her favorite movie ever is Frozen. She loves anything related to frozen and that includes the songs, but in all actuality -- that's the part she loves the most. So believe you me when I say that if you are a member of her family -- you have heard the song Let It Go more than you could possible imagine! So -- lets talk about that a little bit -- about letting go.

I have carried a lot of baggage from the past around with me - and I am fairly certain that if it was measurable in a weighty sense that it would weigh at least as much as my body does -- coincidence? Probably not....let me explain.

We all have things in our lives that have shaped us into the eaters that we are today. I am no different. I have some things in my life that have been huge blessings - the mother that I have, my sisters, my husband, my children, my grandchildren and my dog. I have also lived through nightmares that most people can't conceive of in their normal everyday lives. It has shaped me (literally lol) into the person I have become.

When something happens in our lives we have ways to process it, and sometimes those ways are not the best for us emotionally or physically. A lot of us with weight issues tend to eat our emotions (I do!!), we tend to stuff those feelings down to deal with another day and use food to make us all better. The problem is -- tomorrow is always a day away. We don't deal with those issues - we gain weight and years later struggle to lose that weight because we no longer remember what it was that we were stuffing down originally anyway.

Look, I know everyone in the diet industry preaches keeping a food log - and it makes sense - it can let you know where your demons lie. For me I hate logging my food -- because it lets me know where my demons lie! Seriously, it can be scary to face those inner demons - and let me explain by example

Food Diary Example -

Breakfast - Avocado and Egg with salsa and bacon (started pretty good here)
Lunch - Chicken Salad - (still pretty good)
Got asked to do something at work that angered me because I was already busy and had plans -- and and and ---
Snack - candy bar (or 2), chips, popcorn, bowl of cereal
Ok - so this may sound crazy -- and it wasn't all at once but the one bad thing snowballed into really bad eating - I wasn't hungry - I didn't really need to fuel my body but it wasn't about hunger it was about stuffing the feelings of anger and frustration (or boredom, or tiredness etc etc -- insert your feelings here) - and trying to patch those over with food.
Dinner - fast food - because hey I have already ruined today might as well just have something easy that I want (although I was already way over fed and didn't need to eat at all)

Quote - Lao Tzu -  If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.

Pretty profound quote there -- I am heading by eating that way to stay over weight, to diabetes, to health problems for life. That has to (and has started to already) change. 

So, food diary, lets go back to that -- Don't just phone it in -- (this my friends is directed at me..but if the shoe fits put that baby on and wear it around!) - Put your food that you eat certainly -- if you want to really track it you can put how much but you all know when you go down that road how much you are capable of eating - I am worried less about the how much if I am eating healthy..but more importantly put when your tired, your angry, your happy -- it really helps you find those trends that started back in your past of using food as a drug of choice to self medicate away your feelings. If you can track these things for 2 weeks and then go back -- look at your trends and then make changes slowly based on what you find - you also can find a way to get rid of the old baggage and just let it go.  

No more yo-yo effect

I am not perfect...bet you didn't know that right? Right now, I am struggling -- I am not making the progress that I want to make, the scale isn't budging -- its an eternal frustration. In times past - this is where I would throw my hands in the air and give up. This is where I would binge eat for 3 or 4 days -- or weeks. This would be the turning point to me gaining back some of the weight that I have been hard pressed to lose.

I can't go there again - I won't do that again. I don't want to continue down that path that has led to the yo-yo effect...you know the one..where you gain and lose the same 5-10 pounds over and over again and have a love/hate relationship with yourself.

And please don't misunderstand -- this is directed solely at me. I need to continue on. I need to find my sweet spot and make those changes in my life - and I will. No more backsliding. No more bouncing back and forth. I can hear Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper saying "Get your head in the game" -- it's hard, the struggle is real.

I can also hear the age old question going through my head -- "where would you be today if you had never quit the last time you went down this road?"

"Persistence guarantees that results are inevitable" - Paramahansa Yogananda

The definition of persistence is - Firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. (or no results that you are looking for) Remember, a river cuts through rock, not because of its power but because of its persistence. 

So, no more yo-yo effect or backsliding - goodbye to that nonsense - goodbye to repeating over and over again all the hard work that I have already put in...why did I ever think THAT was a good idea anyway? -- Saying hello instead to persistence and perseverance. March on my friends!

So Long Fear

I am afraid. I am afraid of a lot of things actually. I am afraid of pain, bridges, heights. I am afraid of death - not only my own, but of my loved ones. I am afraid that because I have gone back and forth on weight loss so much, that I am unable to do it...how's that one for a big one?

So, how do we get through these fears? Good question - and one that I don't really have an answer to. I can't make fear go away, that is a truth. However, I will not give up. I will continue to try, to move forward, and to change the bad habits and bring in better healthier habits. My scale may not move, but I AM making better, healthier choices - so that in itself is a victory.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away" - Philip K Dick

I am working toward stopping that negative track in my head. The one that says I have failed before and can't do this. The one that says I will never hit my goal weight. I refuse to believe that is reality.

So, how? How do we change the reality that we see and think and hear and feel? Those are all real things right? I am still here at the weight that I am, and believing that I am a thin girl isn't going to change that reality. Or will it? If I tell myself I can't...I can't. If I tell myself, that I am getting thinner, healthier and that my hard work is in NOT in vain...guess what? Its not.

Our minds are a very powerful thing and while I don't even know the half of it I am sure. There are some very good books and resources out there to talk to people how to face their fears, their demons, erase those self doubts. I am not going to name them - because honestly? I don't believe we are a one size fits all kinda people. What works for me, won't necessarily work for you - our minds are vastly different, and our brains will process things differently.

What I will say is this, I am saying so long to fear - so long to those scary health thoughts that flit through my brain that cause me to not want to get up and fight but to go crawl into my bed and hide. Goodbye to the self doubt and self flagellation that hold me back. What fears do you want to get out from under and kick to the curb?  

Goodbye Green Grass

I have often heard it said that the grass is greener on the other side. That is soooo not true!! The reality is that, the grass is greener where you fertilize it. I am not going to get preachy here on a Sunday but the Bible says For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. It's the same thing.

So, for me what does that all mean? It means that if I think that life is going to be wonderful hunky-dory and sunshine and roses if only I could just...get down to my goal weight, move to this house, do this one thing...its probably not true. I have to be happy where I am right now, because this is what I have made. I can't think that if I could only just get to these places or these goals that everything will be amazing, because I am still me. Make sense?

What now? Glad you asked... my goals haven't changed - I am still wanting to get to that goal weight, I am still wanting to be debt free in 2016 -- I have big plans for my life!! That's all ok -- but I have to also be happy in where I am now. I can't compare my life or my journey for that matter to my sisters, or my neighbor, or my co-worker. First of all, its not a race - and second of all, they have had different roads to walk then mine. 

Oh, I know -- I can hear the voice in my head ---

"Sharyl, its just not right that you work out, you eat right and the scale doesn't budge, but Joe Schmo goes to the gym less than you, eats crap half the time, and omg -- can you see it?? He's lost like 20 pounds in 3 weeks!! What are you doing wrong?" 

Guess what -- maybe I am doing something wrong, but I will figure it out...or maybe nothing at all. My body is my body -- and it's going to do what it's going to do. BUT!!! I can be happy right here - I can eat right, fuel my body with the right foods, do the exercises to make my body healthier and stronger. The number on the scale is not a direct correlation to what is going on. 

So, I ask you this -- if you KNOW that you have given it your best this week, and please note here that I did not ask if you were perfect, just that you gave your best. Do you feel better? Do your clothes fit a little different? Is your mind clearer? Then good job!!

Say goodbye to the green grass on the other side is what I am telling you. If you want green grass on YOUR side -- fertilize it, think about it, do your best -- and if your like me? Well maybe you don't want grass at all, darn stuff just makes me sneeze anyway!  

Hasta La Bahbye Bad Choices

So, it's Halloween here (ok...everywhere) and there is this bowl of candy sitting there. I have a choice -- eat a candy (or 20) or don't eat a candy at all. I made a choice -- I made a healthy dinner, and had none. Here is the thing though -- its all a choice. I am not always the best maker of choices.

I work in my car, I get tired - traffic is heavy and I just want to go home - it is soooo much easier to grab a candy bar or a bag of chips while I grab some gas than to stop two times and delay the drive home even more.

It's a Friday night and my husband is working late, my daughter is at work, and it's just too much of a hassle to cook for just me - I will just grab a burger out, and gee - it comes in a meal so I will go ahead and have that soda and fries too.

I had a really horrible day (or a great one..I am an equal opportunity eater) and I deserve this ice cream as a treat.

Ok -- all of those things are true, however, I do have the choice to change those reactions even if I can't change the circumstances. I do not have to have what I call "stinkin thinkin"
I CAN plan ahead, pack a lunch, have a few single serve meals in the freezer that I made on my day off....and catch this -- I can have the burger and a salad instead of fries and a soda! Crazy huh?

Also...easier said that done when I have this history of doing this very thing. I will try - I will most likely succeed sometimes, fail others..but I will dust myself off and get back up and keep going..because that is how we learn from our mistakes.

Quote - Mistakes are proof that you are trying - when you are choosing that path - are you really trying? (not sure who said this)

Everyone makes mistakes, but the point here is don't compound the mistakes that you make by continually making those choices to fail. Don't make those choices that will make you feel worse and cause you to back slide. It is a matter of taking baby steps and moving forward - truly one only fails when they stop trying. I only fail when I give myself the self talk to allow myself to make these choices, even when I know they are not for my greater good. 

How can I stop that? Practice. Practice making better choices, practice not letting myself have those openings to allow the bad choices to slip in, practice being accountable for myself annnnd practice a positive self talk! 

I KNOW that today was bad, BUT ice cream is not going to make me feel any better -- hitting a punching bag might, or talking to my best friend, or doing something fun with my husband, walking the dog -- etc etc. 

I KNOW that I am going to get stuck in the car and I equally know that mornings are hectic - make lunches on Sunday? Make an alternate plan -- or when caught in that bind - make the extra stop - I am worth more than the extra 10 minutes it would take off my drive home. 

I KNOW that today was a GREAT day -- but I will feel bad if I celebrate with food - why not celebrate doing something fun, or buying a good book, or taking a hot bath while reading a good book. 

The thing is - if I stop and think prior to what it is I am choosing to do -- stop and think about how completely doing the things that will give me the opposite results that I want and then process that and do something else. I CAN say hasta la bahbye to bad choices...give it a try! 

Goodbye Workouts!

They say that into every life a little rain must fall - but I am fairly certain that for me -- it's sweat -- and this weekend it might be sweat, blood and a few tears. (although come to think of it, it did sprinkle this weekend as well)

They say...(who the heck are they anyway? I have always wanted to know..and who made them experts?) They say that the best way to lose weight is by eating right, of course whats right for one person is not right for everyone. It is NOT one size fits all. Eating healthy is good, its true, but for me..well if I am not moving, I will not lose. I can eat absolutely perfect - 150 percent on track, but I need to get a little wiggle in my jiggle, a little motion in my ocean, a little pep in my step.

So, lets talk about workin it out. I have a passionate feeling about exercise -- I HATE it! That does not mean that I dislike it a little, or that I just am not overly fond of it. That means I passionately with every fiber of my being HATE exercise!!! I do not like push-ups, sit-ups, etc - I am not a hamster to run on a wheel (or treadmill) and I hate the gym. (let's put that one right up there with going to the dentist without Novocaine) So, how does this work then? Hmmm...Good question

I walk, a lot -- most evenings you will find me watching TV with my family..its a guilty pleasure. Now, in times past that would mean sitting in my recliner, a bowl of popcorn or some yummy thing to nom on, feet kicked up and in relaxation mode -- because hey...I worked hard all day. Dr Phil has me on this one -- I can hear his voice in my head saying "How's that working out for you?"

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again - and expecting different results." 
Albert Einstein


Ok, so I had to get real with myself. I have to move -- and oddly, moving more makes me eat better. Why? Because I will be danged if I busted my butt to move and ruined it by eating badly. I have heard it said you can't out run a bad diet...TRUTH!

So, what does a girl do when she hates to move but has to? She stands in front of her TV marching in place (yay fitbit!) I walk at LEAST 10,000 steps a day. As a nurse who spends a lot of time in her car, most of those steps are obtained in the house. I walk a circuit around the living room, dining room and kitchen during commercial breaks, march in place while the show is on, walk in place while walking the dog, etc etc -- but those 10,000 steps WILL happen. Do I enjoy it? No, not really..(hey not going to lie!) but, I don't mind it - and it doesn't take time away from my family, and THAT I DO enjoy!

I went this weekend and did something that I DO love -- I got to go rock hounding with my husband. We go outside (and I am so not normally an outdoor girl -- nature makes me sneezy! and the sun is also not this pale pale girls friend. I am an always burn never tan kinda girl) and look for rocks -- pretty sparkly rocks like quartz, aragonite, citrine, etc etc. There is a lot of planning involved and a lot of walking, hiking, balancing, jumping, carrying, and this weekend swinging a pick axe -- but it was a blast!!!

"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop" Confucius

The point is get up and get moving - it doesn't matter how fast you are, it doesn't matter what you do for movement -- just get off the couch. Two weeks ago my daughter (19 year old) and I walked to the park  - we ran around on the equipment, slid down the slides, swung on the swings - children walking by probably thought we were silly - but it was FUN! Have fun! Don't "work out" - Play! Do things you enjoy doing -- or at least don't hate!

Let me leave you with this thought. If you are like me, you wont stick with things that are boring, monotonous (That is why I walk with the TV shows! Can I get an Amen?) and generally a chore to do....You don't have to follow the video, the gym, the you-tube shows etc etc...you just need to move, its up to you how you do that. Are you ready to say goodbye workouts? It was seriously the best move I have made!

Pictures to follow of what we ended up bringing home from rock hounding.

   

Farewell Old Friend

So our heroine continues her quest of saying goodbye to the many things in life that cause her angst. 

Nah just kidding - well mostly...I AM saying goodbye to many things. I have realized that while I love a great many foods, they really do NOT love me back. The one that I am going to talk about today is something that I have said goodbye to already. I had a reader request for this one (shout out to Christine!) We are talking today about gluten.

Let me start by saying a great many people can tolerate gluten. I am not one of them. Let me follow that by saying - that is really not my favorite thing to say because while I can live without it..I miss it. I was the queen of breads -- family rule in my house (no joke!) was that if we were out to eat the last piece of bread in the basket was to be saved for mom! Who doesn't love the smell of fresh baked bread...or bread right out of the oven with some butter slathered over it...seriously one of life's little pleasures. However, it doesn't like me as much as I like it -- to the point where I felt daily like I was having a heart attack when I ate. No good!

So, like any good girl getting rid of things that are bad for her -- I stopped eating gluten. And then, I made my first rookie mistake, I replaced it with like items that were worse for me and higher in calories than what I was eating prior. I initially lost weight with the loss of gluten (wheat products) and then I gained it right back. Why? Because without the gluten most foods have to replace that flavor to get it comparable somehow - and they do that by adding sugars and salt and a mass of other chemicals and additives that are equally harmful for you.

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless - Thomas Edison

So what did I learn from that? I learned that I can live without bread...sometimes its nice, and I will not say that I won't ever turn to a gluten free option, there are some very good gluten free pasta options and bread out there. I just don't feel that I need to replace it the way I did when I started. Let me explain - prior to going gluten free my meal planning would look something like this ...

Breakfast - Bowl of cereal and toast or bagel with a glass of juice
Lunch - sandwich and chips with fruit
Dinner - meat, potatoes, veggie (maybe) and rolls or bread
Snack - crackers and cheese or crackers and hummus (I had a love affair with cracked black pepper and olive oil Triscuits and Wheat Thins)
Dessert - cookies, cakes, donuts...the list goes on.......

So replacing all of those options with a higher calorie option (that doesn't always even taste as good) is not really the way you want to go is it? My meals these days look more like this

Breakfast - Scrambled eggs with green peppers, red peppers, mushrooms and salsa with bacon
Lunch - grilled chicken salad with strawberries and almonds with a strawberry balsamic
Dinner -  a lean protein (chicken, beef, fish) with a starch (potato or rice) and a veg of some kind
Dessert - baked apple, Paleo ice cream or the occasional Paleo baked good

I don't really miss the breaded options - I do use some gluten free flour to dredge the meat on occasion - and as you can see there is the occasional treat in there that has a gluten free flour - but its in moderation - not as a replacement for all the breaded objects that I used to eat.

Now, that being said I do not believe that everyone should have to go gluten free. If you are not sure if you are one of those people - check out signs and symptoms of nonceliac gluten sensitivity.
HERE.

It is also important to say that I did make rookie mistake number 2. After trying my diet without gluten, I found that my chest pain disappeared within 3 days (yay!!!) however, because I did not do it through my doctor - they were unable to test to see if I had Celiacs or just a gluten sensitivity. I find that aside from some people not believing that its a problem for me, I don't care because guess what? The treatment is the same regardless of which way it comes about - you stop eating gluten.

I will also note here that some people don't stop eating gluten because it's a health problem for them - they stop because they want to (Paleo, Primal) and that's ok too. When you are saying goodbye to the things in your life that are not there for your betterment, you don't have to explain yourself. I, in fact would encourage you not to. Why? Because, well meaning family and friends will not always understand and try to talk you out of it. It makes it a little harder on that journey. The reality of the situation is this -- it does not matter! If it's something that makes you feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually. If it makes you a happier or healthier person, and lets face it foods do effect our emotions -- Just say it -- Goodbye to you XYZ food!

So, for me - I said farewell to my dear old friend Gluten (and Wheat) --- what do you need to say goodbye to?

Goodbye To You!

   This is the end! I can't take it anymore - and it's past time ...time to say goodbye. I know those words have come out of my mouth in the past. I know that we have gone back and forth, kissed and made up. This time however, it's for good - its forever. I want a divorce - I want to live life without you, and to be a happy, healthier person than I have ever been with you. You are no good for me, you make my life hell and it IS way past time that I have shown you to the door.

Quote - "A mistake repeated more than once is a decision" - Paulo Coelho

Hello! To those of you who don't know me - I am Sharyl and I have been chronically overweight since I had my first child in 1991. I have not been able to get my body back since then. However, that is my own doing. You see, I am the queen of excuses. "I am too tired to work out",  "The kids won't like that food", "Eating healthy is too expensive", and my favorite "Why should I never be able to eat what I want when everyone else can" But you know what they say right? Excuses are like a........ ahem, behinds, everyone has one.

The problem is that most people when they make an excuse, won't be signing their own death warrant. For me - I started a journey needing to lose 104 pounds. I have learned some interesting things along the way. First off dieting doesn't work, its designed to fail ultimately and I will go into why more in the future. I am down past the halfway mark in this journey (49 pounds to go to my goal) and have learned many lessons along the way - the one that keeps coming back to haunt me at this time is that I love food, I love sugar, and I am self destructive with the eating habits that I have brought to myself over the years. So, today -- and for every day from now on...I am saying goodbye.

I would love for you to join me as I say goodbye to those bad habits that are bringing me down in my weight loss, and maybe....just maybe...I can help you say goodbye to your bad habits as well. Back in the 80's there was a song with the same name as the Title of my blog - Goodbye To You by Scandal - the words hit home. What do you need to say goodbye to? Join me and we can say goodbye together.

For your listening pleasure the song is posted below! The words really could be applied to my bad love affair with food. Check it out!